One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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