when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
