why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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