Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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