you would pick up someone in the library
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
