Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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