it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
