I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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