Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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