Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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