loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
cat food counts as protein by the way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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