Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
