This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
