went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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