i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
