Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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