saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
