he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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