piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's blow job season.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I deserve this hangover.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
