you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize