First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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