you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
