Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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