You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
