dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You were trust falling into bushes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
