waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
