oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
zippers are such a cool invention
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
