You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
