It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
