id be glad to
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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