I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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