my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
