Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
