It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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