Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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