whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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