I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
