Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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