I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
