life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
