if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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