I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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