The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
