Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize