I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently the secret to your success is patron
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
