happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
