he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
