never play flip cup with pint glasses
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
