NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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