Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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