This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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