I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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