dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
