He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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