i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
