I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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