so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
