Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
