The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
