You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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