hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
