god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
