So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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