i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
