and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
