She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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