I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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