At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's blow job season.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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