Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
